Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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