Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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