I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
