so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
