Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
