no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am available for nakedness
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
