Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So vagazzling was a success
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
