I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
