I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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