Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
