i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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