i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
