He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She bit a glass in half.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
