Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How naked do you want me to be?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
