Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
