Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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