i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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