i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
