this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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