Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
