I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
