the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
whose parrot is this?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
