I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
