Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
