she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
