my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
