The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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