Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's official drugs can't kill me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
