I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
