found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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