I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
