Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
