She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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