i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
