I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
