omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
