Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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