she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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