i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
