I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
