If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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