life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
