just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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