P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
