my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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