I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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