I swear she didn't look like that last week.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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