You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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