You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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