No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
