i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
