I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
