Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
