i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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